aNubiSisDeaD

If the abandonment i feel is real...Who am I? If the one person I counted on breaks me...Who do I have? If darker days lie in the path of my rescue... Can I bear the pain? Why do I push them away? Why do I destroy myself?      (the thoughts continue) If a storm kills me, has it made me stronger? If the race is finished, why do I still run? If I didn't win, what have I gained? Why am I broken? Can this hole devour me? Why can't I hold on to the one thing, the one constant variable in my life? Why do I reject him? Why am I so selfish? How could I destroy something so beautiful, so loving, so perfect? Do I deserve to live... N

The smile is fading As the heart is breaking The lie is discovered As the trap is set Love reminisced as I lay dying in my Self dug grave of a misfortunate passion Passion of fear? Passion of hope? Passion of love? No. passion wasted. The sun is inviting As it hurts the eyes shrunked down to nothing of this adament skeleton dancing on my grave The breath is forced out While the soul is still mending And I'm trying to remember why I'm bleeding out Who is this girl? It could not be I I am miss perfect: Perfect at being someone i'm not Perfect at disguising my true self Perfect at bending the truth Perfectly inadequat

There is a dungeon in all of us that holds our deepest thoughts It holds our fears, our loves, our hopes and Kindles near the heart Now this place is never talked about, it's never shared aloud because of the human fear of judgement our need to fit into the crowd When we feel we cannot live or we find a true romance, this dungeon it becomes naive and widens out its stance And we realiz that when we find that other person be it lover, family or friend, the little things don;t really matter and we learn to truly live But this rarely ever happens this feeling of being completely zen because it's not something we talk about:

I am a butterfly      Floating on thin    AIR Wind flows through my body And I am invincible    No one can catch me I fly high in the heavens    Each day closer to Him who empowers me I was once held down by this gravity     Rolled up in a cocoon: scared of the world But now I fly freely    My colorful exterior lights up the lonesome faces        Because I stick out like a sore thumb I am original    The joy I feel is real There is no room for deception I show my spots proudly   They are who I am And here I am hovering through my ecstacy      Closer to the clouds             For all the world to see

What is depression but the mind                            the mind trying to escape this cruel reality? A baby cries in the distance and I feel the pain of his plea...       No one listens               Fear is astonishing                  Legs shaking, preparing to run                       As the heart pounds out of the chest...                  It's the epitomy of peace Do you hear the outcry of a soldier Drinched in sweat as he SHOOTS an unarmed man Reaching into his pocket for a smoke?  AND  Don't say you understad  Because you are the cause       We are the middle class of America Struggling inside ourselves Fighting

Surreal; A word says it all Eyes transfixed, and I imagine that small light-weight smile and I can see you, I can feel you Yet I don't think it's real; Nothing I've had has lasted

I miss you love Oh, how lonesome I am without you Eyes transfixed once again This time clearly on you Seperated by force Eventually by choice and you see my indifference but it's false; I fake well My heart breaks It longs for your love No one ever knows what they have: Until it's gone Are you gone forever dear? Independence turns into dependent When I'm with you; When I'm without you And I am irrational Because I am lost without you... So consider me Vanished

Love is a nightmare, It only causes pain But I would die to feel that pain again. Seduction is an art Only few do it well and you are among them You are an expert and you are an accessory to my murder Because I have convinced myself that our love was a myth That you never cared That you are just another man Does it calm me? No... I cry either way A. You never loved me          -or- B. Our love is gone Both are excrutiating Both are agonizing Both will destroy me And you were my first, but the question is-- will you be my last? Will this day mark my departure? No promises... Nothing I've had has lasted

Love The most beautiful art As a newly married couple Creates life While making love under the moonlight Pure Flawless Divine This is what they live for...

Fallen angel Shooting star Broken headlights Damaged skull All or nothing Choose the choice Death by weapon No remorse (v.o) Destiny held in the hands of a mid-wife choking on the toxin of her own breath...Legacy broken by the decision to take a chance...Love ended by a solace leap: No questions...So peaceful...Simplicity turned to panic by the eagerness of your own anxiety... Drugs: the aftermath of the depression from a torn response...Eyes peeled; red; dialated and the wonder of what happened arouses...Guilt is the hole in your skull... Desperate is the whore on the corner selling her soul. Smoke from a home... the screams insid